The Perfect Puzzle, The Perfect Painting

Sometimes, I sit back and listen to people try and understand the world. They try to make sense of the things around them and nothing seems to make sense anymore. Life just seems jumbled, what once made sense is completely irrelevant now, and the things of this world does not quite satisfy the way they wish it would. Sometimes it's like losing that last puzzle piece that could create the missing link, or the very last color you need to paint the perfect portrait. However, what we end up finding is finding that puzzle piece that doesn't match at all, or finding out that there isn't an adequate color to finish the portrait you're trying to complete because it's all too sophisticated.

I don't believe life is meant to make all complete sense. If it did, then what would the journey be like? It would be too easy, we would not understand the mistakes we make or the relationships we create with various people. This life would be, in a sense, too bleak and bland. I praise God for the trials, tribulations, and the things I've went through in my life. Although nothing makes sense to me at all, I have the peace to know that He holds what I cannot.

I don't believe I'm suppose to understand everything I've gotten into or even what kind of world this is. Nothing makes sense because my life isn't suppose to be cookie-cutted. I'm always being molded, always shaped, and always becoming closer and closer to whatever I'm intended to be. Whatever comes up in my life, that's what will happen. Whatever doesn't show up, that'll just be another barrier to push myself over or just to walk around altogether and keep trekking forward. Whatever seems complicated, do not try to make sense of it... just sit back and watch it unravel. Expectation is the root of all heart ache. We just have to hop in the car and go, fix the small things, and embrace the picture being painted that our colors do not seem to convey, or put in the puzzle piece that doesn't fit. Who says a mismatched piece in a puzzle isn't beautiful?


Ty

Stay Happy...

Thinking of.. Nothing.

As my thoughts progress and develop, all I can think about is... Nothing. Absolutely nothing. My mind is not functioning along with my heart, even though I know exactly the path I should head in. It's kind of hard  when it's not all up to myself. Life, come at me. I'm seriously not afraid of a single thing anymore. I know what I think, and I know what I believe. If for some reason anything goes against me, let it. There's so many more important things in this world than to worry about anything more than glorifying God regardless of any decisions that comes toward my way.

God, you know exactly where my heart, mind, and life is going. You know exactly what is in the forefront of my mind, and that is mostly you.. and completely You. We all have battles, we all have something that encompasses our lives, but You are sovereign. Thanks for bringing me to Williams and thanks for guiding my life in the way it should go. It's all up to me.. partly. Hello, this new week.

All I can say is, I've never been more "okay" in my life... yet I find peace.

All I ask.

Pick me a path, and somehow convince me to be okay with it. That's all I ask.

- Ty

Feelings in Poetic Form

This is my complete and honest feelings for the night. I hope you can look past my poetic failures, but there is a structure to it.

As my life moves, grows, and develops within my mind

I see a new day dawning coming over the horizon.

Where this road will take me, I'm not entirely sure

All I know is that my mind is searching for a cure

Battles and struggles leap and get in the way

But, I have a feeling your life creates me a new day.

I know I'm not running into anything new

I understand that not all of this can be true

All I can fathom is how life could be if you were all I knew

I understand my life has seen things come and go

It's not like I haven't undergone these things, I know

My entire self has seen the sins of this dark place

Many of these I'm thankful I have found solace

My mind may seem confusing, my heart may seem troubling

I know that I have many problems and I'm always stumbling

But thankfully, you see past all of my failures

Thankfully, you understand that I am all yours

Dear God, You blessed me, I'm all Yours.

Shape my heart

Shape my mind

Take care of my thoughts

You shape my future

Oh, how my life has finally began

Something I Cannot Gain

I have been rapid fire posting on this blog and I understand this isn't Facebook or Twitter... I just have so much on my mind tonight.

What is a person suppose to do when the only thing they can think of is about how their life is to lead out. I understand exactly in my head how picture perfect things could be with where I am in life right now. I also understand that things don't always go as you wish they would in your head, however become the complete opposite. It's even worse when your mind and heart are on the same page so that it fuels a fire within yourself that no one ever can see or understand but yourself. Even trying to put all of your thoughts into words completely makes you stutter and lose train of thought when trying to show your thoughts or any of your mind's processes to another friend. 

This "you" is completely me. Sometimes I feel like I'm in this rut that I can't jump out of and for some reason I find solace in explaining this rut to someone. Do I ever get completely out of it? I wish that I could say I do, but most of the time it lands me in even more heart and emotion connecting with my mind in more things to worry or think about. To say that Christ is not in this would be completely ridiculous so whoever is reading this, no this isn't something that would be not under the direction of Christ, but could potentially strengthen that relationship if my thoughts would play out like I want them to. 

All I can say is.. my heart, along with my mind want something much more than it'll ever gain. What is so close has never been so far out of reach. With this life, I give myself up to patience. If ever I falter and become emotionally distressed, just remember I haven't reached the end... I've only opened a new chapter.

Hello, new... scary... but hopeful life.

I Refuse

What is it to be a part of this world?  Vile, cruel, sick, sadistic world, that of which we live in.  So many people fighting to survive... fighting to hold onto the life they have left.  So many lives taken into complete knots and turmoil.  

I refuse to live like this.

I refuse to be vile to gain my way.

I refuse to ignore what I believe.

I refuse to be a stiff person

I refuse to be strict in my standings.

I refuse to be strict in my Christianity.

I refuse to not allow Christ to show.

I refuse to live like other Christians want me to. I want to live out on the edge and live for my God and go against all that was taught that was orderly in the past years. I want to push off the systematic, orderly paths of things, shake it up, be more attentive to Christ's callings for me.  I want to love those of all problems, all addictions, and all emotional problems.  I want to not judge those who others say are awful, and love them and take care of them as Christ would.  I want to love like Christ loved.

I am God's... not this world's. I do not want to be a part of it.  My home is elsewhere, I'm just a traveler here.